The Virgin Post

Hello! And welcome to the un-official blog (read: completely unrelated to the actual, real-life party and in fact created, designed and maintained only to take the piss) of the Prohibition Party of the United States!

Let us start by introducing the manifesto and ultimate goals of our party:

*To distract police officers and other law enforcement officials from the chore of arresting murderers, thieves, wife-beaters and general louts to hassle and detain otherwise law-abiding citizens for possession of beer.

*The re-empowerment of the Mafia, to the extent they are nearly running the entire country.

*The return of the old-fashioned "speakeasy". Many states no longer allow cigarette smoking in their public drinking houses, so we see no reason why they should continue to allow drinking as well.

*To bring an abrupt halt to any social displays of amusement or mirth of any kind.

*To make it absolutely clear to all adult citizens that we know what's good for them better than they ever will.

*To cripple several vital industries and public service sectors by making them against the law. Or at least driving them underground so that the sum of their profits will be entirely tax-free.

*To encourage the cumbersome yet rewarding hobby of home brewing alcohol.

*To foster international trade with our neighboring countries by exhorting foreign distillers to sneak their legally manufactured beverages across the border free of duty or trade restrictions.

*To bring a halt to all crime, since everybody knows that all social ills and abuse only occur following alcohol consumption.

*The mystification and forbidden allure of alcohol in the hopes that this will make it more attractive to the public at large.

*To make absolutely no distinction whatsoever between drinking and drunkeness. The Bible doesn't. Well, it does, but that's beside the point and we tend to ignore the bits of it that don't suit our agenda.

So, if you've still not made your mind up as to whom you should vote for come this November, consider the Prohibition Party! Your children will not be safe, and in fact, will probably die horrible deaths before your very eyes by year's end, until you do.